What Does Your Relationship Want?


Ever hear the expression "the whole is greater than the sum of its parts?" Ever think about what this means in terms of your relationship? 

A relationship, when its firing on all cylinders, is more than two people with individual wants, needs, desires, values, habits, likes, dislikes  deciding to live their lives together.  A relationship is its own thing, a "third entity," if you will.

Everyone experiences ups and downs in their relationships. During the low moments, you might look for answers by asking your partner what your partner wants. You listen. And, sometimes, you may get an answer that works. 

If, however, you find that often this approach yields only temporary feelings of increased connection, we suggest the following approach.

Instead of asking yourself, "What does my partner want?" or "What do I want?"   Try asking:  "What does my relationship want?"  

That's right - your relationship has its own wants. And, that's not the end of it.  Your relationship also knows things that you and your partner may not know.  Still with us?

It may be helpful to look at the metaphor of a car.  It's got a lot of parts.  When the parts are put together in just the right way, it becomes a car.  Its own thing. Not an engine, wheels, axles, transmission....A car.  One of the cool things about a car is that it can get you places that none of its parts can on their own.  Same thing with your relationship.

Your relationship has a voice.  It knows things. It wants things. It can get you and your partner places that neither of you can get to on your own.  What's the secret to tapping into the power of your relationship?

Find a quiet, comfortable place.  Take some deep breaths. And, ask, "What does our relationship want?"  Then, listen for a voice inside.  Trust it. Speak it out loud.

Next, ask "What does our relationship want us to know?"  Again, trust the answer you hear. Speak it out loud.

And, remember, you are always at choice.  If you feel connected to the answers, chances are you are on to something.  Let what you have learned guide you as you enter back into your relationship with your partner.

Notice what you are learning.  Notice what's different.

This article uses material adapted from CRR Global- Creators of ORSC

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